


knew the pathway, like the back of my hand

by skyestiel



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, accidental hand holding, i just want them to hold hands, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:39:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyestiel/pseuds/skyestiel
Summary: 'Tanuma doesn't trust himself to speak. A gust of wind rustles their clothes, toys with the lettuce leaf Fujiwara included in Natsume’s lunch for decoration. Gradually, their surroundings come into focus, and Tanuma stiffens like he's been caught red-handed.Because, in a way, he has.His fingers rest on top of Natsume’s right hand, barely skimming his knuckles.'or: Tanuma reflects on his relationship with Natsume, wants to tell him how he's feeling, andaccidentallyholds his hand in the process.





	knew the pathway, like the back of my hand

**Author's Note:**

> what's this?? my first tanunatsu fic?? you know it! this ship is near and dear to my heart, and i can't believe it's taken me this long to write something for these two. i fully intend to write more for them in the future btw. this was kind of a... test run? it's totally fluffy and self-indulgent. i love these sweet boys
> 
> this is also the second of my bingo winner short fics! if you want to check out the bingo card, it can be found [here](https://twitter.com/tobiologist/status/814914826937962498). this fic is for [jessica](https://twitter.com/natsumme) on twitter! she's the one who really got me into this ship in the first place. and the title is from the ultimate tanunatsu song, ["somewhere only we know" by keane.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ) definitely give it a listen. anyway, i hope everyone enjoys! kudos and comments are always appreciated!!

Admitting you have feelings for someone isn’t easy.

 

 

As a matter of fact, it’s one of the toughest things Tanuma Kaname has ever had to do. Coming to terms with a crush is not a simple ‘yes, I have feelings for this person’ kind of revelation. _Earth-shattering_ is a far more fitting word. It’s the sort of epiphany capable of changing everything in the blink of an eye.

 

 

And, as if it weren’t bad enough, he has feelings for his friend.

 

 

Best friend, if he’s being completely honest with himself. Because before Natsume Takashi came along, Tanuma hardly spoke to any of his classmates. He didn’t dislike any of them. No, he was what his father called ‘reserved.’ A bit of a loner.

 

 

That is until _Natsume_ happened. He’s the one who helped break Tanuma out of his shell and therein lies the root of the problem.

 

 

How could Tanuma _not_ like the boy who brought him companionship on a silver platter? Natsume isn’t much of a social butterfly himself, but he has great friends. Thoughtful, compassionate, loyal. And, as Tanuma has learned from experience, Natsume cares fiercely for anyone he deems a good person—whether they’re still alive or not.

 

 

Tanuma worries every time Natsume gets involved with a new youkai. While most are kind-hearted and mean no harm, there have also been many who lured Natsume into… unpleasant situations. As someone who can’t see spirits, Tanuma doesn’t necessarily feel useful when youkai come to Natsume for assistance. It drives him _crazy_ , speculating about all of the horrible things that may face Natsume.  Even on the rare occasions Tanuma is told what’s happening, he still fears for his friend’s safety.

 

 

Throw in Natsume’s glaringly obvious protectiveness and, well… they make quite the pair.

 

 

But that’s just it! The mutual concern for each other’s well-being and emotional support they provide one another, the unspoken desire to keep the other safe and _smiling_ —it’s all too much for Tanuma. He’s never had anyone like Natsume in his life.

 

 

So, when the realization strikes that maybe, just _maybe_ , he might care for Natsume as more than a friend, it won’t leave him alone.

 

 

It’s like a shift in the tectonic plates, a crack in the surface Natsume has slowly been chipping at, been widening, for months. Eventually, he’ll push the rest of the way through and discover the truth. And Tanuma refuses to let him do so before he can tell Natsume himself.

 

 

“It was nice of you to invite me to lunch,” Natsume comments as he opens his bento box. “Although I’m not sure why Kitamoto and Nishimura couldn’t join us.”

 

 

“Oh, uh,” Tanuma stutters. _Ugh_. He hadn’t thought about that. Asking Natsume to eat lunch alone with him was weird, wasn’t it? “I think they were actually eating with someone else today.”

 

 

Natsume regards Tanuma skeptically, chopsticks inches from his mouth. “Really? Who?”

 

 

“Tsug…it…akita. Yeah,” Tanuma finishes weakly.

 

 

“Tsugitakita?”

 

 

“You don’t know him.” Tanuma tries to cover the strain in his voice with a laugh. It comes out as more of a panicked squeak-wheeze than a laugh, though. “And, think of it this way. Now we can talk about any recent youkai activity.”

 

 

“I guess… Well, there was one recently who reminded me of Hinoe. They were quite a handful but awfully kind.”

 

 

“I’m glad to hear it. Were they happy? With how you solved whatever issue they were having?”

 

 

“It seemed that way,” Natsume answers with a shrug. His cheeks are currently stuffed with rice. “I haven’t heard from them in a couple days either so it seems like everything must be going well for them.”

 

 

Tanuma listens to Natsume’s explanation but can’t seem to take his eyes off the free hand lying in his friend’s lap. His fingers are longer than Tanuma recalled, nails a little jagged from being nervously picked at. Tanuma’s own hands may be a little bigger, now that he compares them. Their sizes seem… complementary.

 

 

Would they fit well together?

 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

 

Natsume’s question jolts Tanuma, and his eyes flit away from his friend's abnormally distracting hands. Heat floods his body, up to the tips of his ears. Tanuma plasters on his best, Natsume-worthy smile. “Me? Of course. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I don't know…”

 

 

“Really, I'm fine. I swear,” Tanuma insists. “Keep talking. I like hearing your stories. You know, since I can't see youkai the way you do.”

 

 

Natsume stares Tanuma down, eyes narrowed into skeptical slits. He's searching for something in Tanuma’s gaze— the truth, probably— and Tanuma hopes whatever he finds satisfies him for now. A second more of tense silence and then, thankfully, Natsume resumes talking.

 

 

“Well, the spirit was pretty attached to an old man who worked at the convenience store down the street from school,” Natsume explains. The moment his eyes settle somewhere else, on the clouds floating lazily overhead, Tanuma returns his attention to Natsume’s hands.

 

 

They look welcoming. Gentle, probably soft, the hands of someone generous and considerate. What if they're actually a bit calloused in places? Tanuma wonders how it would feel to brush his fingertips over the lines in his palms, the tougher skin around the base of each finger. Would Natsume like it?

 

 

“Nyanko-sensei didn't like them much, but that isn't all that surprising. You know how he can…”

 

 

Natsume rattles on, and Tanuma lets the soothing lilt of his voice wash over him. A fly circles around their bento boxes, and Natsume swats at it, trying to scare the buzzing pest away. Tanuma tracks each flick of Natsume’s wrist before letting his gaze wander up the length of his arm, down to the pale skin of his pulse point. When his hands fall back into his lap, Tanuma notes the slightly darker complexion along the top of his forearms, tiny blond hairs sprouting from Natsume’s skin like thin blades of grass. Tanuma almost wants—

 

 

“Tanuma,” Natsume breathes.

 

 

For the second time since they sat down, Natsume draws Tanuma away from his thoughts. And, well.

 

 

“What are you… doing?”

 

 

Tanuma doesn't trust himself to speak. A gust of wind rustles their clothes, toys with the lettuce leaf Fujiwara included in Natsume’s lunch for decoration. Gradually, their surroundings come into focus, and Tanuma stiffens like he's been caught red-handed.

 

 

Because, in a way, he has.

 

 

His fingers rest on top of Natsume’s right hand, barely skimming his knuckles.

 

 

 _Oh no._ Tanuma can feel his brain turn to mush inside his skull. _How do I even begin to explain myself?_

 

 

“Well…” he replies intelligently. “You see. Your hand… was... you looked cold.”

 

 

Natsume blinks, staring intently at the point of contact. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. Confusion etches its way into every feature of his face, flickering in his widened eyes. Tanuma can hardly breathe past the sudden lump lodged in his own throat.

 

 

“It's summer, Tanuma,” Natsume murmurs. “It has to be at least 27°C outside. Not even the breeze is strong enough for me to feel _cold._ ”

 

 

He seems equally flustered by their current situation. Tanuma takes some satisfaction from this realization, but it's fleeting. His mind is too preoccupied with… _other_ things, more pressing matters. Like, oh, the fact he unintentionally reached out to touch Natsume after several minutes of ogling his hands.

 

 

Yes, _that_.

 

 

Surprisingly enough, Natsume has yet to pull away. “But… I can't think of any other reason why you…” His lashes flutter, brow furrowed, and he glares at the pavement, lips pursed into a confused grimace. He's basically thinking out loud at this point. “Why you would want to… touch my…”

 

 

Natsume struggles with that one simple word: touch.

 

 

“I,” Tanuma hesitates before offering a partially true explanation for his behavior. “I don't know.”

 

 

“Are you cold?” Natsume suggests lamely.

 

 

“Ah, no. I'm not.”

 

 

“Okay.” Natsume peers down into his lap. “Then…”

 

 

“I don't know,” Tanuma repeats. His shoulders tug into a half-hearted shrug. The bento box sits, forgotten, on the ground at Tanuma’s side and, when he looks over, he notices Natsume set aside his own lunch.

 

 

Natsume lifts his head and turns, sweeping the surrounding area with his gaze. Only a handful of other students are on the rooftop today. None seem to be paying much attention to them, but Tanuma’s pulse spikes regardless and, oh no, what if _—_

 

 

“It's fine,” Natsume whispers. HIs voice is barely audible, and, for a moment, Tanuma wonders if he imagined it.

 

 

“Natsume…”

 

 

Slowly, Natsume’s fingers begin to shift, bending and flexing, bunching up the material of his school pants. Tanuma feels every minute movement. His fingertips trace over the bone beneath Natsume’s skin, distracted by the urge to map out every inch.

 

 

“It’s fine,” Natsume reiterates, with more conviction this time. They’ve been doing a lot of that— repeating themselves.

 

 

Tanuma watches in stupefied silence as Natsume turns over his hand. Uncertainty causes his fingers to shake but something in the vulnerable splay of Natsume’s open hand beckons Tanuma to touch. Gently, he trails over the little valleys in Natsume’s palm, down to his wrist and back up to the base of each finger. The skin is a bit tougher than he expected but feels nice. _Real_. Somehow, every subtle change in texture fits Natsume.

 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

 

Natsume stays quiet. Before Tanuma can retract his hand, he lifts his gaze to gauge Natsume’s reaction. Beneath the fringe of blond hair, his eyes have yet to stray from the place their hands meet. He must sense Tanuma staring and offers a quick nod.

 

 

Carefully, Tanuma slips his fingers between Natsume’s. They fit well, even better than he would have ever expected. Warmth emanates from the point of contact, coursing its way up Tanuma’s arm. He’s never experienced anything quite like it before. There’s a strange sort of veracity that comes from their intertwined fingers. Like everything has been made right by this one gesture alone.

 

 

Tanuma can hardly bring himself to speak, but he has to know. “What does this mean?”

 

 

“Good question.” Natsume squeezes his hand, just a little. “But I’d like to find out.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come cry with me over on tumblr or twitter @tobiologist. i really love talking to readers!!


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